It's all fun and games, of course. I'm enjoying myself thoroughly - maybe too much? But at the end of each and every night - I'm lonely as hell and feel so empty inside. I currently have no purpose and no reason to strive. I've been living life day by day and loving it. But I need something - someone to make me feel again. I don't want it to be the next convenient guy - it needs to be real. I've been a mess lately - both in my actions and in my room! (Apparently they're related?) Everyday goes by so similarly to the one before it and when I create my own excitement it's a recipe for disaster. At the end of the day - I need someone. Someone to hold me close, push the hair away to kiss me on my forehead and tell me that 'everything is gunna be okay' and if it isn't then he'll be there every step of the way. I'm asking for too much aren't I? You know, I really tried to just be happy on my own and it worked for a while I guess...with many men to help me cheat on myself. I just can't live life solely for myself. Where's my 'Judy'? I miss her. I miss caring about someone so much that it hurt; I miss having someone care so much about me.

you can't please everyone jackie.